A real talk on disappointment, self-pity and learning to sit with the mess

I've been thinking about failure a lot this week. And it got me wondering about how we navigate disappointment and what happens when we fail to meet our own expectations.

Let me give you some context.

If you follow me on socials, you'll know that business has been a total rollercoaster this year. From super highs with my sold out retreat in Sri Lanka, to multiple cancelled catering jobs, it's just not where I was expecting to be in my eighth year of business. This was compounded by me not passing my Pilates Reformer training this week. Yep. I confused my springs even though they were literally written in front of my face and now I have to submit a video for retake. No big deal right? Well that's not how I felt.

Cue downwards spiral.

I'm going to be honest. I've felt really low this week anyway, but after failing my assessment I was drowning in my own self pity.

Worrying about money
Questioning my work
Panicking about where to go from here
Looking for temporary jobs
Things not going my way.
Where to go from here.

Then feeling utterly guilty and gross for feeling this dreadful when there are literally people in the world being starved to death.

I Let Myself Feel It

I didn’t try to fix it straight away.
I sat in it. Fully. I let myself feel it all.

The despair, the disappointment, the sadness, the embarrassment, the anger, the shame. I had some alone time. I listened to angry music, then some beautifully sad music. I walked through a local country park, I voiced noted some pals to vent. I ate a hearty meal, made a me-shaped dent on my sofa, drank a full sugar COKE (right!?), watched a really shit film, cuddled the dog and went to bed early.

Having sat with my emotions I was feeling a little better, but before I went to sleep wanted some guidance on where to go from here. So I pulled a card from my Tarot deck.

What I saw made me actually LOL.

The FIVE OF CUPS is about Regret, failure, disappointment, pessimism

According to Biddy Tarot this card means:

“The Five of Cups often appears in a Tarot reading when a situation hasn’t turned out the way you expected, and you are sad, regretful, and disappointed. Instead of moving on with your life, you are choosing to wallow in your self-pity. All you can focus on right now is what went wrong and how you failed. Sure, feel the feels, but set yourself a time limit for your self-pity and then pull yourself together and move on.”

I mean, what on earth.???!

“It’s time to shift your mindset and focus on what can go right from this point onwards. Be open to the brighter side of life and know many blessings are in disguise right now. Instead of giving in to a ‘glass is half empty’ perspective, look at it as the ‘glass is half full”.

Well if this wasn't a big bold sign to give myself a kick up the arse and drag myself out of my self-pity party!?

Now this isn't to devalue our feelings or to suppress our reactions, but it is a funny little reminder that in failure or disappointment there are always lessons in there somewhere waiting to help us grow in experience and resilience. It also made me think about failure as a concept.

What Even Is Failure?

Why do we take it so hard on ourselves?

Does everyone react similarly or is it individual?

Where do we go from here?

The reason I have shared so much here and written so extensively is because I think honesty is the best way we can relate to one another. We live in an age where failure feels shameful and success and material wealth is overwhelmingly celebrated. How often do we read on socials posts:

‘HOW I GET 6 FIGURE MONTHS EVERY MONTH AND YOU CAN TOO’

'Made more this month than I used to in a year. Wild.'

'Quit my job, doubled my income. Playing by the old rules was the real risk.'

And for so many, times are bloody tough. I'm really feeling the struggle right now and I wanted to say it's OK to feel like total shit about it, AND ALSO it's worth reflecting on your relationship to “failure” or at least how you navigate disappointment.

My Advice (If You’re in a Slump)

Stick to regular sleep and wake times.
Get outside and listen to the birds.
Bake bread or cook something grounding.
Log off socials. The comparison pit and excessive noise isn’t helping.
Cuddle something warm (dog, human, hot water bottle - take your pick).
Talk to someone. Don’t isolate for too long - though alone time is always my absolute saviour
Let yourself be low without labelling it as a problem.

Because feeling like crap doesn’t make you broken, it just makes you human.

And sometimes? A full-fat Coke and a bad film is medicine enough for the moment.

If you need a chat. You know where I am.

P.S.

This is the kind of honest, seasonal, real-life wisdom I share inside The Aligned Living Membership — a slow, Ayurvedic space for rhythm, rest, and realness.

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